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I guess we're all struggling, aren't we? And when we're struggling we get pulled into a vortex of mis-matched expectations that each of us fail to keep for each other. We utter these desires to be held, understood, loved, supported and, hell, to just rest-- under the breath of our respective subconscious(es).
But as I allow manifestations of my own pain, fears, anxieties and exhaustion to flow out of the cages they dwell in, I realize that you, my beautiful friends, cannot always see their ugly origins.
You, in your struggle to hold on, are just asking to be held, and you are sometimes met with the manifestations of my inner demons in response. But know that I want to honor your request with all of my heart. You, who have been so supportive and a force of healing for me, I want to give you all of the understanding, love and support. I want to put myself aside to hear you and give you words of affirmation. And know that when I fall short it's because I'm not thinking; it's because I loose touch with the ability to help, because I am still hurting.
What will we do, my dears? With all of this pain made of flesh, blood and bone? What will we do with all of this death and darkness? What will we do with the temptation to create hierarchies of pain, determining who suffers more and who should get the comfort award at the end of the day?
I will hold you in my mind as you cry inside the cages I can't always see. And even if I don't think you are doing the same for me, I will fall back like a cheesy-trust exercise with the faith that you'll catch me too.
But as I allow manifestations of my own pain, fears, anxieties and exhaustion to flow out of the cages they dwell in, I realize that you, my beautiful friends, cannot always see their ugly origins.
You, in your struggle to hold on, are just asking to be held, and you are sometimes met with the manifestations of my inner demons in response. But know that I want to honor your request with all of my heart. You, who have been so supportive and a force of healing for me, I want to give you all of the understanding, love and support. I want to put myself aside to hear you and give you words of affirmation. And know that when I fall short it's because I'm not thinking; it's because I loose touch with the ability to help, because I am still hurting.
What will we do, my dears? With all of this pain made of flesh, blood and bone? What will we do with all of this death and darkness? What will we do with the temptation to create hierarchies of pain, determining who suffers more and who should get the comfort award at the end of the day?
I will hold you in my mind as you cry inside the cages I can't always see. And even if I don't think you are doing the same for me, I will fall back like a cheesy-trust exercise with the faith that you'll catch me too.
1 comment:
thank you for writing this one! makes me miss community and how close you are to those feelings of others. can't really escape without letting your own seep out too.
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